The flurry of sexual “misunderstandings” flooding the news in late 2017 mirrors the actual gender gap over time. Simply put, males think the penis is a wondrous toy they discover in boyhood and venerate all their life. It is the steering wheel and engine of their manhood. Women can see it as an intrusive, invasive organ that can be wielded against them for power, for money, for advancement, for many reasons detached from its split function as a delivery system for piss and for semen. It is a prism in the sense it bends perception of the viewer and the viewed.
This goes a far way to explain the accuseds’ bewilderment that [they claim] they thought their sexual harassment was consensual, relentless aggression was just good fun, sexual taunting was so many things not rising to the distasteful encounters reported by so many #MeToo women. Women can and do experience heterosexual joy but there are key elements of their true desires and purposes that have to be included first. Even begrudging sex can be “ok” if both sides accept the conditions and the primary condition is that there are two sides!
The gender gap is captured in the different view of “dick pics”… most women are NOT amused nor aroused by them unless they are framed in a fuller portrait of a man for whom they feel some sort of affection or desire. Genital close-ups are evidence dicks pretty much all look alike. (In that limited perspective, Ron Jeremy could claim to be a special case since he used his professionally in an age where porn would celebrate a “schlub” like him for his long seemingly ever-ready cock. But what about Charlie Rose, an “intellectual journalist”… how does he square flapping his dick at his staff? How can he claim he just discovered the need to respect women??
Viagra is another symptom of the gap, the age-mates of these past-their-prime pill poppers are not as thrilled as their partners might think that sexual duty is back on the agenda. The exhaustive nature of satisfying men’s outsized fantasies about their own sexual needs and rights “naturally” fades in our later years but now has the chemical booster to go-go-go far beyond nature’s intent. The difference between government support for erection-enhancers and for birth control is evidence of male bullishness when, in fact, any actuarial look at medical expenses tells you that a “bad” pregnancy can incur life-long costs to the insurer if you’re being business-based).
The fact that masturbation plays a part in this gender divide is no surprise, there is a persistent nature to erections that speaks to the bio-purpose of men while self-sex is expressed by women less relentlessly. I am a champion of thorough self-satisfaction, even as a mutually pursued partner-based activity, but there is always a need for overt agreement as to the purpose and frequency.
I ran a phone sex business for a year and that was a do-it-yourself audio-fantasy enterprise where verbal communication stimulated and simulated actual imaginary contact. Men like to have coaching and cheerleading in general but imagine that affirmation applied to their favorite (they think is a secret) endeavor. I have the rare joy of “getting” men in this regard and so I know that the benign side can be corrupted but then it is rarely purely sexual. It elevates ego and id then mixes in the libido. These are not mutual, welcome gestures… the whoops-flashing and locker-room talking and plain ass-grabbing… these are seen as pathetic actions from an unwanted man first and foremost but then seconded almost immediately as caution because men can be dangerous when denied so what is she to convey? It isn’t only money or fame or promotion or even safety that has to be taken into account. Men and women earn different value systems over time and so the ‘game’ has different stakes for different players. It is impossible to quantify at this point but gender difference is now an acknowledged factor in life, no going back, there are female Marines tended by male RNs, so the axis is tilted but how far and for how long?
Back to the future, the pendulum has to swing and what carries it is momentum. In the same way a moral tide is shifting our attitude and tactics regarding drunk driving, so it is finally moving the dial forward on the continuum as to what is consensual contact. Marital rape, revenge porn, phrases that had to be defined based on the actions between people. In case you missed the memo, it is no longer cool ever to press your personal desires upon anybody who is beholden to you for their money or fame or advancement or even safety.
That’s the message. Simple. Contain yourself, please. Swallow your gross jokes and pinch your own ass if the desire overcomes you, or re-assess the likelihood that a 23-year old engineering student wants to see your sad old sex even in the best of lighting. It just ain’t so; if you don’t believe me, remember your own youth and the horror you felt that your parents and other old people were having sex. The young and innocent still feel that way, it is part of their belief system that sex is for them (and they will never be you). So if you’re 30, or 50, or 75, really reach back to the age and stations of your target and see what they see. It’s pitiful, it’s disturbing, it’s horribly common as a supposed secret. The names becomes less important the more there are of them, it is in the tribal sense that we are forcing a reckoning. Predators, we SEE you.