Category Archives: gender dynamics

RowdierReaders.com – Be the Transceiver – For collectors of Curiosa – KathleenKBooks.com

Rowdier readers self-identify so if you continue reading here there is a good chance you at least have the graciousness to entertain a new idea.  You have an open channel, not all channels of course, and not at your deep risk, but you will allow the foreign and the unknown to intrude to that first hurdle:  it’s an incoming thought and you have let it in, behind your eyes now, and for that moment you have a different outlook.  This collection of graphic writing joins books from many other creators, and all must be absorbed from the page for maximum impact.  Reach out as readers, reinforce the enrichment of scanning words into the brain.  Writers know you are treasures.

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Fear of thinking, most specifically deep thinking, limits amateur readers who have not developed a framework for what they read so if something doesn’t fit in the few categories they do admit then the idea is discarded.  Volley over, signal drops, no presence.  Dead End.  What a dull world it would be if we were all like that.

Rowdier readers are energized by reading, they set up synapse symphonies and cogitate from the page to the world through the heart-mind.  It is not difficult to identify certain writings that simply are not suitable for some although the work is much appreciated by others.  That’s my category, sexotic-erotic-graphic language in small peppery bursts.  There is a transliteration when sexotic writing is considered tête-à-tête and it is my intent to be read head-to-head by people with busy vocabularies.  I station myself on broadcast and you agree to transceive.  You don’t have to accept everything but you entertain the ideas, give them a moment to take hold and move through.  Curiosa is like catnip to such a reader.

Like all arts, there is the idea but then there must be a manifestation:  a canvas, a carved stick, tangible and discrete as it is indexed for short term recall, the written word, a recorded speech, humming of a choir.  For me it has been making books, it is the making of them that pleases me.  In that way I am an old-school talent in an analog format for the print books, reluctantly digital for digital dissemination.  Books are a tactile medium in the end, nuance is absorbed through the eyes and hands.  I respect that.  It’s a journey for me too (there’s history I haven’t told you) so things are always surprisingly connected.  Overall, there are twelve narrative and engaging affordable volumes available online so far plus the fabrication continues.  I’ve developed the art of setting you up with sexotic scenarios but I break away in time for you to have to finish the imagery.  It’s subtle, it’s killer technique.  (Oh, how I’ve studied!)

I didn’t build this body by accident; I carved a man out of a blob of waste-infused goo. Locked beneath the sheath of fat was a pugnacious fucker who finally took control. I hired Honey as a sex trainer, like I paid my cardio coach and my tennis instructor. She was soft and limber and ready to rock, frank and assessing as needed. Part coach, part sparring partner… bringing me to peak. She re-shaped my sexuality, brought it closer to my core, made me hold it there and grow it there. My fat-man sex never thrilled so the screaming success of my normal body was the greatest reward. The confidence-fueled fucking went on long enough and strong enough to finally experience the need to howl it out. Now I can slip up between her thighs and feel the cradle of her crotch coddle my bouncing balls.

I’m all about the squiggles of thought, the ~, <>, : ∞ that put the punctuational kaboom into the language to help you syncopate it.  I know it seems like there are uneducated people clogging up the pipeline to – your bliss, your success, your redemption – but in fact your pace is your choice. The giddy liberty to think whatever you want is the ultimate freedom, the luxury of thoughts and feelings that come to a truly be-stilled being, soul awhirl.  Consider this an opportunity provided by the publisher of Words Arranged by Kathleen K. because it is one way for you to stomp around a bit out in the Idea Fields.  There has always been a flare of challenge in the presentation and the content of this adult-themed compendium that adds value if only reluctantly.  When is something dirty and good, good and dirty?  Who decides?  First, judge the covers… then slip away to KathleenKBooks.com for more detail.


kathleenk_erotica_books_dark_prince_sexotic  Kirkus Featured Review!

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HoneyB I 7174296_cover     PP Native Cover.4539172.indd

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Vivid family fiction for those who read

between, around and beyond the lines.

frontcover   FAMILY cover front harvest from PDF

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The penis can be a prism breaking out the constituent elements of sex, desire, force and finesse.

The flurry of sexual “misunderstandings” flooding the news in late 2017 mirrors the actual gender gap over time.  Simply put, males think the penis is a wondrous toy they discover in boyhood and venerate all their life.  It is the steering wheel and engine of their manhood.  Women can see it as an intrusive, invasive organ that can be wielded against them for power, for money, for advancement, for many reasons detached from its split function as a delivery system for piss and for semen.  It is a prism in the sense it bends perception of the viewer and the viewed.

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Picture of cuddly dog

This goes a far way to explain the accuseds’ bewilderment that [they claim] they thought their sexual harassment was consensual, relentless aggression was just good fun, sexual taunting was so many things not rising to the distasteful encounters reported by so many #MeToo women.  Women can and do experience heterosexual joy but there are key elements of their true desires and purposes that have to be included first.  Even begrudging sex can be “ok” if both sides accept the conditions and the primary condition is that there are two sides!

The gender gap is captured in the different view of “dick pics”… most women are NOT amused nor aroused by them unless they are framed in a fuller portrait of a man for whom they feel some sort of affection or desire.  Genital close-ups are evidence dicks pretty much all look alike.  (In that limited perspective, Ron Jeremy could claim to be a special case since he used his professionally in an age where porn would celebrate a “schlub” like him for his long seemingly ever-ready cock. But what about Charlie Rose, an “intellectual journalist”… how does he square flapping his dick at his staff?  How can he claim he just discovered the need to respect women??

Viagra is another symptom of the gap, the age-mates of these past-their-prime pill poppers are not as thrilled as their partners might think that sexual duty is back on the agenda.  The exhaustive nature of satisfying men’s outsized fantasies about their own sexual needs and rights “naturally” fades in our later years but now has the chemical booster to go-go-go far beyond nature’s intent.  The difference between government support for erection-enhancers and for birth control is evidence of male bullishness when, in fact, any actuarial look at medical expenses tells you that a “bad” pregnancy can incur life-long costs to the insurer if you’re being business-based).

The fact that masturbation plays a part in this gender divide is no surprise, there is a persistent nature to erections that speaks to the bio-purpose of men while self-sex is expressed by women less relentlessly.  I am a champion of thorough self-satisfaction, even as a mutually pursued partner-based activity, but there is always a need for overt agreement as to the purpose and frequency.

I ran a phone sex business for a year and that was a do-it-yourself audio-fantasy enterprise where verbal communication stimulated and simulated actual imaginary contact.  Men like to have coaching and cheerleading in general but imagine that affirmation applied to their favorite (they think is a secret) endeavor.  I have the rare joy of “getting” men in this regard and so I know that the benign side can be corrupted but then it is rarely purely sexual.  It elevates ego and id then mixes in the libido.  These are not mutual, welcome gestures… the whoops-flashing and locker-room talking and plain ass-grabbing… these are seen as pathetic actions from an unwanted man first and foremost but then seconded almost immediately as caution because men can be dangerous when denied so what is she to convey?  It isn’t only money or fame or promotion or even safety that has to be taken into account.  Men and women earn different value systems over time and so the ‘game’ has different stakes for different players.  It is impossible to quantify at this point but gender difference is now an acknowledged factor in life, no going back, there are female Marines tended by male RNs, so the axis is tilted but how far and for how long?

Back to the future, the pendulum has to swing and what carries it is momentum.  In the same way a moral tide is shifting our attitude and tactics regarding drunk driving, so it is finally moving the dial forward on the continuum as to what is consensual contact.  Marital rape, revenge porn, phrases that had to be defined based on the actions between people.  In case you missed the memo, it is no longer cool ever to press your personal desires upon anybody who is beholden to you for their money or fame or advancement or even safety.

That’s the message.  Simple.  Contain yourself, please.  Swallow your gross jokes and pinch your own ass if the desire overcomes you, or re-assess the likelihood that a 23-year old engineering student wants to see your sad old sex even in the best of lighting.  It just ain’t so; if you don’t believe me, remember your own youth and the horror you felt that your parents and other old people were having sex.  The young and innocent still feel that way, it is part of their belief system that sex is for them (and they will never be you).  So if you’re 30, or 50, or 75, really reach back to the age and stations of your target and see what they see.  It’s pitiful, it’s disturbing, it’s horribly common as a supposed secret.  The names becomes less important the more there are of them, it is in the tribal sense that we are forcing a reckoning.  Predators, we SEE you.

 

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Sex = Risk. Risk = Cost of Chance. Chance = Spice of Life.

kathleen_k, sexotica, erotica, fiction, countercultureAt the cellular level, sex = risk.  You can change the course of somebody’s life, including your own, when you exchange vital fluids in this manner.  In all our days, we have yet to really tame the Pregnancy Enigma.  Why that baby then?  Why not the other baby now?  What comprises a baby: corporeal elements like blood and bone and brain or existential elements like who’s your daddy and what state is mommy in at this moment?  We all know the science and culture of conception but meaningful birth control eludes us.  Conception is a cardinal power, we really do not make it happen no matter how hard we try.   It is bigger than us to spark life on mere command, our mechanical interventions are clumsy but work for some.  Whether we try to tame it in the lab or just set it free in the corn fields, sex makes babies.  Life is persistent!!

It’s hard to believe that basic fact at times, when you’re knocking along without a scare, your barriers are holding or your fingers are crossed just right. You may think intellectually about what you believe is your reproductive plan but there are choices to be made when you’ve caught a live one.  This is where the power rests on humans, to continue or to end the gestation.  Post-miracle-of-life stuff.  Every egg ultimately tossed to chance, which genetic dibs and dabs might be swimming by… these actions are only partially conscious choices.   Ovulation is a sequence which once completed leaves an egg in the tube.  We might nudge and push that egg schedule around and try to hocus-pocus up some babies in an invasive manner.    Every pregnancy is a roll of the dice, unique, discrete, and fragile.

That’s the problem I hear about the most, when people examine the risk of interactive sex and it is not just fearing “the herp” but of having a kid at the wrong time or with the wrong person or even with best intentions it all goes bad.  I do not diminish the need for care and caution even as I advocate for more analysis.  What do you want, what can you sustain, where are the anchors?  Honest self-appraisal:  are you ready, are you fit, are you committed?  So hard to tell the truth about yourself at least twenty years into the future:  you just want to love-fuck free and easy, not worry, be happy, share and party yet still at the root is the cosmic spark of risk for which we hunger at times or is thrust upon us.

No battle of the sexes after the point of conception, it is an ordained power that women can encapsulate another being in her body in a way that no man can or ever has (absent the anomalies proving the rule) and so we divide here: us women and them men.  Women are the physical embodiment of what is a mind-blowing IDEA to men, pregnancy is a process men can only watch once they instigate it (or if they violently interfere).  They may never even know (for sure) it is their biological child.  Fatherhood is an act of faith with society via the mother, to sponsor a child.   Matrilineage has usually been trackable by society embodied in caretaking and custody; patrilineage more about name and station, ego and fame.  For centuries we could not even know paternity for sure… DNA was not a factor until this brief flip of time.  We humans are rooted in the idea we cannot know paternity for sure, it is the majority of our racial memory to trust the parentage as reported in the records, or by tribal rule or whatever.  Maury Povich isn’t the only challenger to that!

The more often more of us think carefully about pregnancy, the better chance our children have of being welcomed to a world made ready for them.


NOTE:

To a lesser degree, the disfiguring and fatal sexual diseases are rooted in science and numbers too, you do not have to sex with a lot of people to get an STD, you have to make yourself vulnerable to one person with that STD… there are symptoms and odds and all the rest but at a microbiobial level there’s a spark or there is not.

#readmore


https://kathleenkbooks.com/contact  for affordable thought-provoking books in print and Kindle.kathleen_k_sexotic_penis_size_erotic

A Musing: Setting Free the Kites – Alex George ***** Word on Belva Plain – Daniel Lowe – Sascha Arango

alex george author, setting free the kites, good read

click for details

Alex George has written a very good read: Setting Free the Kites.  This is high praise for rowdier readers who can open to many topics as long as the skill and intent to communicate manifest.  This is a well-paced multi-threaded story that deserves to be consumed page by page.  It provides a generational view point of friendship, disappointment, expectation and choice that lets you judge the characters as you would anyone you know…. that is an investment in this writing.  So many bad books are published that when you find one with actual themes and structure [again with the airborne] you want to 5-star it so it sparkles for other hunters.  He has another book and I’ve already got it coming my way which is the highest indication of Alex George’s acumen.  Call it ‘special sauce’ or whatever, he entertained me thoroughly and I wish to give him another chance.

Setting Free the Kites is a long internal monolog with the narrator who may change voices but never loses his perspective, we hit the white rapids of the ending knowing at least he’s in our boat, we’re going to have to get through it because the book is all about outcome of choices which can never be known before choosing (you can guess a few).  That is the art form of the novel for me, the engagement of the reader in the subjective landscape set by the book.


COMMENTARY:  I stopped reading for over a year due to medical complications, the words were dead on the page to me although I could “read” news articles and the like.  I could not engage with the writer’s writing.  Reading had been my stalwart companion from earliest memory, Bible with Granny W., school, biographies of the saints is morality porn for Catholic girls… I was schooled to emulate The Mother of All, The Vessel of Virtue.  The art and intent of what I read set the tone for me for all time.  I love to hear people’s stories of how they began reading for fun, for themselves, because it soothed and excited them.  I could RELATE.  I am thrilled to say the reading writing trickled back to me from my sub-clan of rowdier readers, I once again can exploit this transport via the voice of another.


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click-tap-poke here

I am re-reading Belva Plain and I encourage you to surrender to her “living history” in the love stories she has given us, finely drawn character and culture on display, the good and bad, deftly written in that soft-sure tone that the reader recognizes as moral authority.  You can sense the evil, the hope, the effort vs. laziness; petty jealousies can turn the world, as fate and free will impact the direction of people’s lives.  Her themes may work at certain times in your life, when you can open to the ridiculous displacement caused by history [since proximity is an element in love].  She writes of a different age of immigrants but at the center is her understanding that a person starts in a place and may go to another place, or many places, or stay rooted, but they retain the seed of their character even as it is lured by sun and shade.  Belva Plain played out her narrative lines as she saw fit, sometimes surprising us, because being complacent with anything is a risk.


SPECIEL MENTION: 

The Truth and Other Lies by Sascha Arango

All That’s Left to Tell by Daniel Lowe

Both these books really stretch the meaning of “narrative line” and fascinated me in structure, content, and delivery. I don’t know how much you are reading these days but I’d put either or both on the short list for writers to read.  Perhaps my own latitude forms a kinship with those who make up truth so convincingly.

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#readmore #readaboutreading

 

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When we let the ugly win, it weakens us all.

Shrinkie-dink “man” humps Fearless Girl statuehttp://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/photo-wall-street-creep-humping-feminist-statue-viral-article-1.2995245

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Do you know this “man”?   Share his identity!

There is no explanation that justifies this picture, it is a stark reminder of the gender divide as regards the innocent and helpless and disinterested targets of aggressive male sexuality.

He might have tackled the roaring bull but it didn’t occur to him to actually test himself, evidently.

It’s just plain wrong.

Venerable Judge gives a goodbye message about rapehttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4301558/Top-female-judge-issues-warning-drunken-women.html

This experienced jurist waited for her last case on her last day to make this statement because of the blowback she knew she’d get for stating a truth.  Just like all unpalatable facts, there is a link between victims and perpetrators that is uncomfortable to outline in detail.  Yes, you should be able to leave $500 on your dashboard in your unlocked car and expect it to be there when you return but it is not advised.  Yes, you should be able to drink until you’ve impaired your judgment and weakened your defensive reactions but it is not advised.  This speaks to a limited portion of the victim pool since many are raped at home, in bed, on the job, sober as hell… but it is still a truth.

There is no excuse for rape but it pervades the globe in war and peace, in all religions and political environments because it addresses the imbalance of THINKING between those who wish to dominate their landscape and those who are seen as landscape!  Until all people of good character join the fight against rape in an active and decisive role, there cannot be peace.  Victims are young, old, male, female, strong, weak (not all human even) as a matter of fact but the perpetrators are largely male by statistical margins that can hardly be calculated due to under-reporting.  We are opening a tiny gateway to other rape scenarios in that linked article, but the onslaught of unwelcome sex forced upon victims is historic, epic, implied in the power structure of our gender dynamics.

I’ve studied human society and sexuality enough to know there are bio-cultural reasons for the perception of power and rights that drive behavior but never have I understood the modern defense of rape or its presence in a practical culture where demeaning half the citizens substantially cuts the effective power of the tribe/group.  I write erotic and sexotic material that may be unpalatable to some but I do not tie people to chairs and force them to read it, I do not sneak into their bedrooms and write it on their walls.  I hesitate to speak out for the same reasons the judge tempered her remarks because the shaming and blaming of victims is part of the problem.  However I strongly believe the facing of facts is needed and there are scenarios where victimization risk is higher and can be avoided, and that has to be admitted for us to make progress.

It’s not just sex offenders who weaken society, it is slumlords and tax cheats and any one who doesn’t merely take a prize based on competition but seizes unfair advantage with dirty hands.  I believe in competition, it is human nature, but doping to win races or insider trading to tilt market conditions are low minded, hard hearted and plain wrong.  That’s a message that bears repeating.  Tribal politics must work toward strength by eliminating tainted behavior.

 

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A cauldron of fire holds the disembodied yowl of my sex…

There is something timeless in a pithy Tweet, the limit of characters and the linearity of presentation makes it a matter of carving carefully while thinking graphically.

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At the root of my dick is a cauldron of fire to hold the disembodied yowl of my sex. She puts her lips right there & whispers to it.

@KathleenKxxx


I haven’t been blogging lately (it was a To Do marked Done at 100 posts).  The Twittering flutters along because that is the essence of my “flair”, a poetic sense of economy in phrasing and a silly willful wink at our love∞sex obsession.

I encourage you to read more, and read differently (new authors, new medium, new time of day or era of time) so that you engage your brain in the wonder that is our written word built out of our spoken word.  This is our tribal knowledge, and use of language “speaks volumes” about a person or a group.

Just as an example of what language IS:  To be caught saying vile abusive things is not an “incident”, it is a MIND SET.  Times change but deep down character does not.  It doesn’t matter if you did what you bragged about doing, it is notable you think bragging about it is cool.  It isn’t that you shouldn’t have said it, you shouldn’t even (admit you) think it.  We can’t police your thoughts but we can infer a lot from your statements.  Lewd language can be ‘flirty-dirty’ but we cannot tolerate ‘rancid’.  It is the ingrained habitual disregard for dignity by the speaker toward the spoken-of that finally drags the ugly out where we can see it.

I ride the line between risqué and ridiculous so I know that verbal disrespect is a tone thing, and is of the moment, but that the longer-range intent of a statement will ring through.  The best defense against offensive statements is an arsenal of alternate language.  School yourself in our collective intelligence so you too enrich the world with your particular way of thinking.  Shut down the thoughtless and the crude because they are wasting your time.  Be brief, be firm, and then be gone from them.  You get only so many breaths to waft words into the air, be prudent!  Your ears drum only so much, listen carefully.

Rowdier Readers, check this out:

Shirley Jackson http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/books/2016/10/ruth_franklin_s_biography_of_shirley_jackson_reviewed.html

25th Anniversary of Anita Hill’s outing her boss:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2016/10/anita_hill_paved_the_way_for_trump_s_accusers_to_step_forward.html

#readmore

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To quiet the murmur, you must stop the heart. Then start anew (again).

kathleen_k_indie_author_publisher_sexotic_commentaryTo quiet the murmur, you must stop the heart.
We wait to intervene, watch and listen
for decades until one day the murmur is urgent.  My aortic valve was all flapped out
and needed intervention.   Communique received!  In the intervening years after diagnosis, surgical techniques had evolved and I benefitted from this happening in 2016 and not 1996.  Upside!

So it came to be that I myself said, “yes” (to a cardiac surgery team), “yes”, you may turn me off (bypass my central power pack), do what you do inside of me.  Scale of Decision:  what takes five hours for cardiac team to accomplish demands eight weeks for me to recover from in best scenario.  And even if the team, praise be, successfully turns me back on, the murmur will be… not gone, but quieter, manageable, survivable for a longer while more.  (Yes, please.)

Beyond that?  Who can say.  Reboots are tricky.  But, oh so re-empowering when they work.  It is a journey; I have changed if only on a finitudinal level.  {Extra credit:  please read here.}  You happen to have a Reboot Moment in your own life?  A core value-action-element that forces you to proceed, retreat, or halt and wonder what are you doing day-to-day to paint the big picture of your life?Ordinal vs Cardinal -Omega-exp-omega-labeled_svgThis is the battle, literal and lyrical, in my new post-op phase, to make sense of the ordinal ‘energy’ categories we each try to balance: faith, expectation, and effort.  Even when we can’t hope to understand the math we do sense the logic within.  I am enjoying 60+ years, fully lived, lucky and blessed, while paying the toll for bad habits.  Yet I risked it all this summer to gain a chance for even more.  If you have such a choice to make, swerve toward the brave and deep-down daring, arrange to do what is true of you through the days and phases you’ve accumulated.  Time doesn’t stop; once loved, ever loved.

These are all very existential concepts that surround any change in lifestyle.  What do we, each of us, choose to do with our life time?  And a baseline question is how closely you assess your progress so far.

My overall soul-goal incorporated my equilibrium in the world, to be judged first and wholly human without the female tag.  I saw gender as irrelevant in most areas:  I worked in a man’s profession of business computers, wrote in the male bailiwick of erotica and voyeurism, married a man, raised a son… and within all of that lay the mother-lode for me:  women are not lesser because men are not greater.  The issue is establishing parity when components are not replicated exactly — not only between genders but within them.  We had Phyllis Schlafly to define conservative values when the Boomers were rolling through in waves, followed by a plucked and tightly-wound Ann Coulter acting as a deceptive honey trap for the ridiculously exclusionary.  The fact is an elitist view is self-defeating because closing yourself off will not advance your agenda, right or wrong the numbers rumble in.

We can demonstrate that any advancement of stability in a distressed society ultimately advances the family which strengthens the children (= the tribe).  The Internet has helped expose the dark hearts of many institutional “entities” and by that I mean the administrators and deputies and chancellors who hushed/hid sexual and fiscal infractions whether their doing so was misguided or malicious (as long as it was deliberate).  Whistleblowers needed protection to tell the truth.  The shaming of victims is a tell-tale sign of fear that the perpetrators could do even worse if angered which is the hell of mid-level management because it is your fault you can’t stop them.  The Kennedy-era US could contain the ‘naughty’ news when it only had 3 broadcast channels with effective choke-points of printed distribution by region, but I saw that change so that I could broadcast my counterculture writing on the world wide wonderful web in 1997.  And the changes kept coming…

Played along and still do.

Finally there is a ‘mindfulness’ that women can and must speak, and that in fact it isn’t about women (gender) but persons (existence).  At the core of all our “faith” is that we are unique creatures who cannot explain our own creation.  Life-energy itself cannot be created by us and therein lies the divide between what we “know” and what is true even if we don’t “know” it.  We bow to a greater power than our own, no matter how expressed, that rewards kindness and courage and survival with dignity and persists through the random skittering of the living.  The strongest message is to let others live, stay out of their way, mind your own business.  Like, you don’t have to love thy neighbor, just don’t interfere with them.   Tolerance conserves strength, rabid reactions are a waste of energy.  Keep your attention on your own choices, and bless the chance to do better starting with your inner circle of family and community, because it matters there the most.

I’ve watched the expectations of society change through these last five decades because the norms are shifting; I participated in it, I am a product of it.  The message: Your choices matter.  To partner, to parent, to create… all of these things are driven forward by choice and then valued as years pass.  I have an abiding interest in how we treat ourselves and each other individually to be used as clues to our species’ fate.  And it isn’t all about “big” stuff, it is as prosaic as who you mingle with when it matters, who you cook for at dinner time.

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Intriguing image from dreamstime.com

I am still a counter-culture writer and indie book print-on-demand publisher even after a long period where e-books were said to have destroyed tangible analog books.  Oops, not true:  of course online access to the words changes things and will continue to do so but the actual experiencing of a book does not involve a digital rendering.  An analog book is a singular physical copy that has heft and shape and history (new, used?) and that is my world of choice rekindled-validated.  At my “heart”, I find myself carving the loving language with a dash of sass then embodying it for once and all in a 5.25×8″ perfect-bound specific edition of about 140 pages.  Portable, affordable, and geared to rowdier readers.


 

Rowdier Reader Litmus test:  check out Twitter for @KathleenKxxx – NSFW


Watch the people in the background of this video, what a masterful story of presumption and tolerance is told here:  BONUS TRACK:  Adam Lambert – Another Lonely Night

#readmore

This mother says if you want a good love life, masturbate better [and together]

kathleen_k_books_erotica_masturbationWhether or not there are mothers in your vicinity, their influence permeates the world.  I honor all the forms of nurturing that make a mother vital, forging a primary bond not defined by gender alone but by action over time, reinforced through generations. In that spirit, anybody who has ever been a child in a loving-functioning home should honor those who shield(ed) and raise(d) them for the effort itself.


This is a rework of last year’s column plus the PSA presented here as a public service.  Take care of yourself.


Along the lines that practice makes perfect, it is important for a person to learn to operate themselves properly, in all ways, including their sensuous sexual expression.  The idea of exploring this strength within yourself is the cornerstone of your sex with others.  You can learn to accelerate, drop back, stutter forward, and hold-hold-hold & hold-release.  For men, perhaps they must resist firing up the cum-dumping routine, and shift their goal from completion to completeness.  For women, the same challenge to expand the definition of ‘enough’, enough of what, enough for whom?  Anything you do that slows down the viral merry-go-round of bang-bang hookups is a contribution to the gene pool.

Best wishes to all you mothers out there.    – – May 8, 2016


kathleen_k_sexotic_honey_b_sexual_consultant_eroticaMasturbation serves the body-soul balance, we gain mastery and strengthen our control, learning to merge the sensations of the body with the tumbling thoughts of desire and demand, sass and shame.  Then, narrator Honey would tell you, take a side trip from the direction of your typical physical relationships and work up to masturbating with a potential lover before EVER mingling further.  If you do not, between you, have the grace to figure out how this could be done and find a way to communicate between you, then having traditional sex would be more of the same old thing.  Change it up, toss away the familiar moves and take a chance on provoking a more sophisticated response.

Offering to share tandem pleasure while deferring the more usual approaches to partner-sex shows a glimpse of your character, establishing that you can and do like sex but you reserve the right to proceed at your own pace (a strategy that works equally well with all genders).  Slow fucking down!  Stop fucking so soon, so fast, and actually cultivate a new form of relationship.  If you find yourself thinking you’d be to shy to do that with somebody then you better go back to bed alone and gain a bit more confidence.  Establishing your own solitary threshold sets the bar, asserting what you’ve learned to appreciate, what you discovered you do.

Frankly, the value of sexual self-knowledge makes a great discussion topic for budding lovers, it breaks a long taboo.  If it doesn’t excite you to talk about sexual matters with this person even in theory, this is probably not your person.  If you intend to develop a passionate relationship with an individual, then you must forge that bond carefully.  If you are just fucking around, you may as well fuck off because, truly, you will expand your future if you take that energy home and figure out what makes you feel, what makes you hungry, what causes the commotion required for you to crest and peak?  If you’re at the vertex, what’s in the vortex?

If you can’t achieve orgasm on your own, how ever will you do so with somebody else?  If you ingest online porn without the balance of films, books, forums, discussions, reflection, projection, and actual experience, it is like eating hot sauce for dinner:  not really a food group, and it dulls the palate over time.  If you never bliss-out alone then you might want to tap that well of feelings.  It isn’t only the physical release, it is the heat of memories and fantasies bouncing between the head and the heart and the hole-pole on hand.

For those already intimate, you might review your own self-pleasuring habits.  It is not necessary you surrender your masturbation to your partner, sometimes it is just enough if you acknowledge their right to having a secret schedule.  For others, it is an invitation to vicarious pleasure, gathering up images of a most moving demonstration of trust and vulnerability and daring.  It’s a Show and Tell moment, unclouded by reciprocal incursions.

It’s a kind of courting behavior, this agreeing to come, alone, together, unorthodox as it may seem, but it’s all about the percolating.  You can agree to do it in the dark, through your clothes, or side by side, sharing at first only the sounds and the pace of your control of excitement.  You are elusive yet giving, self-protective not because you are weak but because you are precious.  Your partner confers a similar privilege upon you, the allure of them starting to share their secrets.  Then later, you can masturbate about that!


For rowdier readers — Adapted from Honey B., The Suite Life

He said that in his teens he’d gotten a hold of a men’s bondage magazine, it was his uncle’s, and the feature model looked much like me, especially in the body.  It ricocheted deep in his mind, he’d hallucinated my presence during countless masturbation frenzies, he’d thought of capturing me and making me his prisoner, not to hurt me, oh, no, he wanted to excite me, to please me, to be my abject slave, to sacrifice his very manhood to me if I wanted it.

I was on the sofa, I lifted one leg up over the arm of it, exposing myself to him, coral pink panties stretched tight to cover me but they glistened and seemed to cling. He watched very closely as I opened to him.

The form of masturbating I share this time is a fingers only orgasm, without penetration, a simple clitoral bang that results from indirect intense manipulation of the lips over the slippery button.  I tense my entire body so that I am almost rigid, my ass cheeks are clenched, my legs are stretched out straight, my back arches slightly so I can bear down against my hand, my tits jiggle with the force of my heaving heart.

I never look this tall standing up.

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The moment before I open a professional review

I close my eyes and tell myself it is a single opinion, whatever I am about to read is just one view of my work, and in the long run will be dismissible.  In this moment it is the result of a big gamble.

As an indie author-publisher, allocating $500 for a Kirkus Review is a significant decision.  They’ve been opining about books for eighty years with a reputation for tough standards but some backlash for abject cruelty at times.

I pay $500 whether I publish their review or not.  They get paid for writing it.  You can decide to bury the review and that’s fine with them.  If you publish the review, you can use it in whole or part to advertise your book.  The weight of their name is significant in the publishing world precisely because they have assembled a rich reviewer pool delivering firmly structured 300-word judgments.  You throw your book in a proverbial pile and it is handed to you-have-no-idea-who and that’s your shot:  no re-do, no preferred reviewer, not even a pick of genre.  Take it or leave it.  More precisely, pay first and see what you bought later.

  • First stand-alone sentence is summary of book.
  • Paragraph is plot and content analysis.
  • Last stand-alone sentence is ‘tag’, the ‘boom’, the ‘bam’.

I bought the review in late February so it was due back in late April.  I didn’t haunt my account waiting for it only because I was busy elsewhere.  I finally checked in mid-May and here is what I found.


kathleenk_erotica_books_dark_prince_sexotic

Dark Prince, Heed Thy Queen Kirkus Reviews May 2015

Prolific eroticist K (Honey B., Sexual Consultant, 2014, etc.) conjures a fictionalized wet dream starring a hyper sexualized woman and the domineering hoodlum who sexually enslaves her.

Though the mysterious, unnamed raconteur of this erotica describes herself as an ordinary woman, she’s really an experienced physician who exudes “a sensation of calm, a sense of security.” She’s swept away by a cocksure, bearded, “dense and dreamy” stranger named Nathan, whose livelihood includes larceny and money counterfeiting. K’s novella, easily read in one heated sitting, glosses over plot in favor of the sexual exploits between the narrator and Nathan as their relationship intensifies to incorporate kink and sadomasochism. Nathan is slowly revealed to be a crestfallen attorney and military serviceman–turned-criminal, but that hardly deters the narrator from pursuing him. Their respective appetites for carnal satisfaction seem infinite; any opportunity for role-playing and sexual adventure is met with agreement, including the addition of Jo, Nathan’s sexy “surrogate,” to their lovemaking. The book consists of short vignettes that ultimately blur into a carnal cacophony of three-ways, safe words, penis rings, and jail bailouts, as the narrator who “wanted a bad boy and got one” swiftly becomes rapt and ultimately enamored by Nathan’s sexual bravado. Readers of graphic erotic fiction will appreciate K’s smooth delivery of unbridled passion coupled with introspective ponderings in which the veil lifts to reveal her protagonist’s true nature. This aspect elevates the narrative from one-note fantasy to an explicitly personal chronicle complete with a surprise ending. Although the ever reliable narrator spends most of her time being bossed around and used like a Fifty Shades sex toy, the story is very much owned and operated by her. “I didn’t want somebody to love,” she unapologetically confesses. “It was more selfish than that, I wanted somebody to enjoy my body with me.”

Thin and unassuming, K’s latest is a titillating and highly provocative tinderbox, conflating taboo themes of hierarchal subservience, gender domination, and eroticized objectification.

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Human Penis Info: Putting it in… perspective

kathleen_k_writer_erotica_sexotica_books_poetryNothing new about the meat market!

Let’s toss some science and evolution into the endless contemplation of the human penis and its role in history.  Since comparative measurement is at the heart of much of the angst about the human penis, perhaps instead of comparing them to each other, we can cross species and be glad for the tool granted to all the human brethren.  You’re hanging huge among the placental mammals, dudes.  Relax.

“…the human penis is larger than that of any other primate, both in proportion to body size and in absolute terms.”  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis

Why Don’t We Have a Better Condom?  Good question, discussed here.

Australians Working on Better Condom

Scientists from the University of Wollongong are designing ultra-durable condoms they claim could feel even better than nothing at all.
The contraceptive is made with hydrogel, a strong and flexible solid which can be made to feel and act like human tissue.
The groundbreaking design will eventually offer functions like self-lubrication, topical drug delivery, and even electric conductivity, dramatically changing the capacity of male contraception, reports Science Alert.

We can also investigate erecting the barrier from the inside out:  female condom news.

We’re getting the science right but the emotions are still all over the map.  The extreme penis enlargement done by this guy shows his lack of understanding of the purpose and functionality that underlie the existential value of the organ.  He’s outsized it, literally.  It cannot fit anywhere it was intended to fit.  It is on constant display as a rupture in his ego, more so than those huge boob-balloons which to be fair do not prevent sexual connection.  What burbles beneath our preoccupation is the general tension over penis endowments.  Women worry less about the size of a man’s penis than she does about his own assessment of that size and how it affects their relationship.

For whatever reason(s), men resist the obvious truth that they have the normal amount of stuff to work with, are in competition with similarly-sized males, and whatever it is they do have is prized by their partner.  My message:  physique and technique.  Assess what you have, make peace with it.  Then, learn to put it to good use.  Many women don’t actually experience all that many men, so you can narrow your sample size.  It isn’t you amongst the millions, it is you and the select how-many-ever-but-not-likely-millions she accepted before, during and after you.  Make your time together memorable and you’ll loom large in her dreams.

#readmore

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