Whether or not there are mothers in your vicinity, their influence permeates the world. I honor all the forms of nurturing that make a mother vital, forging a primary bond not defined by gender alone but by action over time, reinforced through generations. In that spirit, anybody who has ever been a child in a loving-functioning home should honor those who shield(ed) and raise(d) them for the effort itself.
This is a rework of last year’s column plus the PSA presented here as a public service. Take care of yourself.
Along the lines that practice makes perfect, it is important for a person to learn to operate themselves properly, in all ways, including their sensuous sexual expression. The idea of exploring this strength within yourself is the cornerstone of your sex with others. You can learn to accelerate, drop back, stutter forward, and hold-hold-hold & hold-release. For men, perhaps they must resist firing up the cum-dumping routine, and shift their goal from completion to completeness. For women, the same challenge to expand the definition of ‘enough’, enough of what, enough for whom? Anything you do that slows down the viral merry-go-round of bang-bang hookups is a contribution to the gene pool.
Best wishes to all you mothers out there. – – May 8, 2016
Masturbation serves the body-soul balance, we gain mastery and strengthen our control, learning to merge the sensations of the body with the tumbling thoughts of desire and demand, sass and shame. Then, narrator Honey would tell you, take a side trip from the direction of your typical physical relationships and work up to masturbating with a potential lover before EVER mingling further. If you do not, between you, have the grace to figure out how this could be done and find a way to communicate between you, then having traditional sex would be more of the same old thing. Change it up, toss away the familiar moves and take a chance on provoking a more sophisticated response.
Offering to share tandem pleasure while deferring the more usual approaches to partner-sex shows a glimpse of your character, establishing that you can and do like sex but you reserve the right to proceed at your own pace (a strategy that works equally well with all genders). Slow fucking down! Stop fucking so soon, so fast, and actually cultivate a new form of relationship. If you find yourself thinking you’d be to shy to do that with somebody then you better go back to bed alone and gain a bit more confidence. Establishing your own solitary threshold sets the bar, asserting what you’ve learned to appreciate, what you discovered you do.
Frankly, the value of sexual self-knowledge makes a great discussion topic for budding lovers, it breaks a long taboo. If it doesn’t excite you to talk about sexual matters with this person even in theory, this is probably not your person. If you intend to develop a passionate relationship with an individual, then you must forge that bond carefully. If you are just fucking around, you may as well fuck off because, truly, you will expand your future if you take that energy home and figure out what makes you feel, what makes you hungry, what causes the commotion required for you to crest and peak? If you’re at the vertex, what’s in the vortex?
If you can’t achieve orgasm on your own, how ever will you do so with somebody else? If you ingest online porn without the balance of films, books, forums, discussions, reflection, projection, and actual experience, it is like eating hot sauce for dinner: not really a food group, and it dulls the palate over time. If you never bliss-out alone then you might want to tap that well of feelings. It isn’t only the physical release, it is the heat of memories and fantasies bouncing between the head and the heart and the hole-pole on hand.
For those already intimate, you might review your own self-pleasuring habits. It is not necessary you surrender your masturbation to your partner, sometimes it is just enough if you acknowledge their right to having a secret schedule. For others, it is an invitation to vicarious pleasure, gathering up images of a most moving demonstration of trust and vulnerability and daring. It’s a Show and Tell moment, unclouded by reciprocal incursions.
It’s a kind of courting behavior, this agreeing to come, alone, together, unorthodox as it may seem, but it’s all about the percolating. You can agree to do it in the dark, through your clothes, or side by side, sharing at first only the sounds and the pace of your control of excitement. You are elusive yet giving, self-protective not because you are weak but because you are precious. Your partner confers a similar privilege upon you, the allure of them starting to share their secrets. Then later, you can masturbate about that!
For rowdier readers — Adapted from Honey B., The Suite Life
He said that in his teens he’d gotten a hold of a men’s bondage magazine, it was his uncle’s, and the feature model looked much like me, especially in the body. It ricocheted deep in his mind, he’d hallucinated my presence during countless masturbation frenzies, he’d thought of capturing me and making me his prisoner, not to hurt me, oh, no, he wanted to excite me, to please me, to be my abject slave, to sacrifice his very manhood to me if I wanted it.
I was on the sofa, I lifted one leg up over the arm of it, exposing myself to him, coral pink panties stretched tight to cover me but they glistened and seemed to cling. He watched very closely as I opened to him.
The form of masturbating I share this time is a fingers only orgasm, without penetration, a simple clitoral bang that results from indirect intense manipulation of the lips over the slippery button. I tense my entire body so that I am almost rigid, my ass cheeks are clenched, my legs are stretched out straight, my back arches slightly so I can bear down against my hand, my tits jiggle with the force of my heaving heart.
I never look this tall standing up.