Happy Hempfest 2014. For most of us, there’s no need to scurry down to the Sculpture Park to buy a little buzz… seasoned Stoners knew this day would come: we’d win the weed war.
The Stoner series of potcentric sexotic fictional memoirs elevates toking time to a sacramental endeavor. The books twine reefer and romance through the eyes of a mild guy with a wild side. He’s the guy you want to come to your party. His way with women is not a trick, it is a knowing. Same-so his cultivating a righteous high. He pays special attention to both. Because they matter. To him.
SAMPLE — Stoner’s Bone of Contention (The Weightless Joint)
I’m an old Stoner. This dealer is young, proud of his scale-disguised-in-a-CD-case, so I politely hmm and umm as he explains it is precise to fractions of a gram. Ahh. As he talks I take a paper and crease it along the unglued edge so that about a quarter of the paper is folded lengthwise. I tap my tongue along this edge, and the paper separates cleanly when pulled. In the three-quarter paper, I sprinkle some of what he’s brought that I’ve carefully picked apart. The joint is thin, a pinner. I roll another.
I let him get a few hits ahead and then I mention there’s a better way to smoke this joint, while I pinched off the wet end so the smoke could move through. He is to balance the joint between his thumb and forefinger, not mash it, he should position it so that the smoking-end of the j is not quite to the face-facing edge of this bridge. Hold it only as tight as required to maintain control. Use those arched fingers to ferry the lit joint to your lips. The outer three fingers will curl up and away from the burning end. You sip in air through (and around) the joint, leaving it dry. This method makes that caricature of pot smoking, the pursed lip inhale. I notice few of this Bong Generation have any idea how to roll a good doobie, or what to do when handed one.
I toss the other joint onto his scale and it registers 0.0. He cocks his head to the side, silent. I take it off and hand it to him. It’s the same size as the one we’ve burned through so we both know it holds at least two highs. He pokes the scale and the display changes. He lets it reset then places the slender joint on the scale. 0.0
“Is that a weightless joint?”
“It’s your scale.”
“It weighs something. I mean, just the paper weighs something.”
“A wisp, a few sprinkles of pot… not enough to register.”
“But it does register. It registered on me. If we just got high on nothing, then wouldn’t your pot last forever?”
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”
“It must add up.”
“What? All those zeros add up to what? A big fat zero?”
“That’s a whole lot of nothing, dude.”
#stonerliteracy #sexualthoughtfulness #Hempfest2014